There is so much that I want to tell you. So much that I have to say.

I am angry. At this situation. And I'm most angry at myself for letting myself get so lost in this "so-called" life.

I am always at everyone's call. Ready to do what is asked of me. Worried about the repercussions of failing "them". Always worried about the repercussions. How much of anything have I done for myself. Really?

I tried to remember all the good things so that I could numb out the bad. But I shouldn't have to do that. I don't want to do that anymore.

I deserve more. I want a something in my life that I cannot even name right now. I don't really know how to get it. I'm lost in blurry confusion... stereo fuzz. I can almost see it. I can sense it's greatness. And God help me, I'm gonna get it. No matter what, I will get it. I have to.