Saturday, October 17, 2009

The tide will change and the waves will fall.
And I'm swimming out, out alone.

The wind can blow and the storms can come.
And I'm standing in the rain, standing alone.

Can I take my time? Can I take my time?
To figure out what's right. I need some time. To get it right.

The snow will fall and the ice will build.
And I'm shoveling through, shoveling alone.

The time can change and the hours can pass.
And I'm waiting for life, waiting alone.


What is it to be cherished by another?
To feel the want of another for you as you feel for them.
Love is a fickle thing, as slippery as water through a sieve.
Yet, it flows as thick as honey through the veins, although not always as sweet.
Roses, beautiful as they are, have the ability to prick your skin and tear at your flesh; so has love the ability to rip your heart out under the guise of perfumed innocence.
What is it then to be loved by another?
To know the heart of another is only for you as yours is only for them.
But if love be such a fickle thing, why trust in love that it will carry through on it's promise to be true?
I say, do not trust in love. Instead trust in yourself that you are true. Try to find yourself clear of heart and mind and your path will be set clear before you.
Your path, clear and free, will lead you to be cherished and loved both of yourself and of another.
What is it to be cherished and loved by another? The answer lies within yourself. Find the true nature of your heart and you'll find your true happiness.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Up down back and forth
Caught between the best and the unknown
People swirl around me, spilling thoughts into my head
Don't wanna disappoint but I gotta be me
Love and hate, bitterness and intrigue filling my heart and drowning me in the flood
Sense of self caught between right and wrong
The best for all and the worst for me, the life I lead is mine but I don't own it
Always letting others in, allowing the overtaking, forgoing my rights, losing myself
Longing for the simple things
The life of a flower beginning to bloom
The sunrise after a storm
A cool breeze on a hot day
A simpler life, an easy self
Breathe and look up, exhale and smile
Don't wanna disappoint but I gotta be me

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Who are you? I've forgotten who you are.
Where did you go? You left me laying here cold.
I can't remember the last thing you told me, the last time we talked.
The closeness we shared is a blurry memory broken by fractured dreams.
We overstepped bounds. Pushed past the red tape. Ignored the warning.
Now we face the awful truth about us. That we've forgotten each other in a jungle full of weeds and thorns.
I can't see you anywhere. I can't hear your voice. I don't know if that's good or bad. But you aren't calling out to me so that I can find you again.
We're drifting apart. Walking in two different directions. With every step the distance grows. Where are you going? Why did you leave?
I have to start moving; finding my way out of this place. Without you by my side, I'll still make it through. The thick jungle catches my sleeve, the thorns rip across my skin. It hurts and I bleed, but I won't let it stop me. I'm moving, gotta keep moving. The trees are thinning and the grass is shorter. I start to run. Picking up the pace now. I'm almost there, I can see the clearing ahead.
When I make it out, I'll bask in the sun. Feel the heat on my face, the sweat roll down my back.
I'll sit down and look behind me, just over my shoulder. Enough to see the mess I just found my way through. Alone. On my own. Believe me, when the cool breeze blows across my skin, I'll know it was worth it. All the work, pain, tears and loss.... all of it was worth it. To get there, out alive, believe me it was. And I'll smile....

Move Along....

Life is moving by too fast to stand still in this place anymore.
I have to grab onto the handle and hold on. I have to move along.
My name is being called now, I have two choices--check in or check out.
Too long have I stood on this fence. It's time to jump. Gotta pick a side and dive.
I've got my ticket in hand. What comes next is up to me. A choice I gotta live with and one I need to be happy to make.
Run for the train, grab the handle and hold on. Put a smile on my face and look forward. Can't look back, and can't back down.
No fading into oblivion, not here, not yet, not ever. It's time to go. Move along.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Out of the ashes, a Phoenix rises. (Unfinished)

The numbness is fading. Lifting it's weighted veil. And through the dank, dreary obscurity I see a reflection.

Slowly the image comes into view and I see myself. But it's really not me. More like a shell of a person. No light coming through the eyes, dark and sunken in. Pale complexion, saddness spilling out of her eyes, it's as if she was weeping for the world. A wilting flower, life flowing from her veins. The part of her that once made her beautiful and vibrant is ripped and torn from her; the peices laying on the floor at her bleeding feet. Half naked, scared and cold. Bruised and dirty. Lost and jaded. She stares.....

The girl, surprised at the sight of herself, falls to her knees and cries out; in pain, in weariness, in awe. The world seems to move in slow motion now as she whispers "How?" and sinks further to the floor, it almost seems as if shes being pulled down by unseen chains. Bringing her hands to her face she touches her ashen skin, looks deeply into her own sullen eyes and becomes angry.

What is this life? Who is this girl? So irrevocably lost and broken. Guilty of and vulnerable to all her faults. Life is moving by her like a roaring freight train and the sound of it as it passes is deafening. The eyes of those watching her from the sidecars as they pass turn away in shame; heads shaking in disappointment. In that moment, she lays down. Closing her swollen, empty eyes and gives in to the torment. Allowing it to take her completely into the murky depths of despair. Lost in the muddled gloom she fades away. "You win.", she whispers. There seems to be no fight left in her. Exhaustion and dellusion sweep over her like a tidal wave drowning her in the flood. The forlorn girl, bitter and wasted, looks into the reflection, and as one last salt laden tear falls down her cheek, closes her eyes and dies.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Late night thoughts.... fueled by beer and cigarettes.

Oh clarity. What a word. Clarity.

Just when you feel like "Ah ha! I've got it!" It slips right between your fingers. Like water from a fountain, it splashes down to the ground, almost mocking you in it's ease.

Listening to Rage right now. Calm like a Bomb. That's about how I feel at the moment. Calm like a bomb. There is a welling up inside me and God watch out when I blow.

Riotous maddness. Carefree desire. Tumultuous explosion. Chaos in it's purest form. That's what's in my head.

....I know, scary isn't it?